For the past two weeks the neighborhood has been quiet. It’s been quiet partially because the kids are all back in school, partially because of the unfavorable weather and mostly because I have been working about 70 hours per week. As quiet as it has been, one thing screamed loudly at me as I drove into the neighborhood the other day.

To my right I noticed two women soaking up the final rays of summer sunshine. Of course I noticed them immediately because one woman was (as my other neighbor puts it), “4 bills” aka 400+ pounds and the other was maybe 100 pounds, they were in the driveway laying out on top of a bright blue tarp in bikinis!

Later, as I left for work again I saw them walking across the street in their two-piece bathing suits carrying a can of beer with their bathing suits shoved up their butt cracks. Come on! As if wearing a two piece wasn’t offensive enough! Word to the wise: If your towel is a blue tarp, you might not want to wear a two piece or at least you might not want to lie out in your driveway wearing it. Tarps are used for covering up and in this case, that is what you should have been doing, covering up your big butt.