It is now official that the local public schools are back in session: the door to door fundraisers have begun! It's a race to see who can collect the most money from all of neighbors. Newsflash: I'm not buying this year!

This weekend our doorbell rang and I hustled downstairs to see who had stopped by. A small back story: after cleaning the cooler out from our camping trip, I dropped a can of soda. I set it on the table on the front porch to settle so that it wouldn't explode. I guess I forgot about it...

I opened the door and a boy about 11 years old was standing at the door with a milk carton with something printed on a home computer glued to the sides. His mom (I assume) stood behind him. She was probably in her mid twenties. The following conversation ensued:

Kat: Oh, hi.

Beggar Boy: Can my mom have this pop? (Dr. Pepper in hand)

K: Uhhhh.....

Mother: It was sittin' out here on the table.

K: I know. I put it there.

M: Well, I'm hot and thirsty.

K: Uhhhh....

BB: Can she?

K: I guess.... Is that why you came here?

BB: Naw. I'm collecting money for poor people. Can I have some?

K: I’m sorry I don't have any cash.

M: (sigh. rolls eyes)

K: Do you guys live in this neighborhood?

BB: Naw. We’re visitin’. How ‘bout some change?

K: I really don’t have any.

BB: Then why do you have two cars?

K: (Jaw drops, laugh in disbelief) Because we work very, very hard! Enjoy the Dr. Pepper! (Slam door – peek thought mini-blinds, STILL shocked!)

What in the world?!! I'm just glad I had the soda out there! If it wasn't, she might have asked for the table or chairs!

For the past two weeks the neighborhood has been quiet. It’s been quiet partially because the kids are all back in school, partially because of the unfavorable weather and mostly because I have been working about 70 hours per week. As quiet as it has been, one thing screamed loudly at me as I drove into the neighborhood the other day.

To my right I noticed two women soaking up the final rays of summer sunshine. Of course I noticed them immediately because one woman was (as my other neighbor puts it), “4 bills” aka 400+ pounds and the other was maybe 100 pounds, they were in the driveway laying out on top of a bright blue tarp in bikinis!

Later, as I left for work again I saw them walking across the street in their two-piece bathing suits carrying a can of beer with their bathing suits shoved up their butt cracks. Come on! As if wearing a two piece wasn’t offensive enough! Word to the wise: If your towel is a blue tarp, you might not want to wear a two piece or at least you might not want to lie out in your driveway wearing it. Tarps are used for covering up and in this case, that is what you should have been doing, covering up your big butt.

For the past two weeks the neighborhood has been quiet. It’s been quiet partially because the kids are all back in school, partially because of the unfavorable weather and mostly because I have been working about 70 hours per week. As quiet as it has been, one thing screamed loudly at me as I drove into the neighborhood the other day.

To my right I noticed two women soaking up the final rays of summer sunshine. Of course I noticed them immediately because one woman was (as my other neighbor puts it), “4 bills” aka 400+ pounds and the other was maybe 100 pounds, they were in the driveway laying out on top of a bright blue tarp in bikinis!

Later, as I left for work again I saw them walking across the street in their two-piece bathing suits carrying a can of beer with their bathing suits shoved up their butt cracks. Come on! As if wearing a two piece wasn’t offensive enough! Word to the wise: If your towel is a blue tarp, you might not want to wear a two piece or at least you might not want to lie out in your driveway wearing it. Tarps are used for covering up and in this case, that is what you should have been doing, covering up your big butt.